Chance
by oo0Tsuki0oo
Summary: A boy is reading the Death Note manga and becomes afraid of being killed.
1. Chapter 1

"The human whose name is written in this note shall die."  
>The beginning of a story, the end of a life.<p>

He sat in his room, behind his desk, reading. This was the third time he was reading the whole Death Note story. He liked it, often thought of it. Or, did it obsess him? It appeared to him that he started acting different since a few weeks, when he started reading this manga. This was not the first manga he read. Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist, Shaman King, Letter Bee, Hikaru no Go, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. But this one… This one had a strange effect on him. He was not easily scared, but, he was very cautious now.  
>He was one of the smartest kids in class, though he'd never call himself that. Light seemed so just to him, and so did L. He understood that killing people was a bad thing to do. But a new, better world needed some sacrifices. And L… he was very smart, of course, but he couldn't think of a way to create a new and better world. This was his one big disappointment in L.<p>

If he had to choose who to be in Death Note, he didn't know who to be. Probably Ryuk. All others ended up death, unhappy or he simply didn't like them. Ryuk was also pretty miserable… Just bored to death and addicted to apples from the human world. How would he react if he knew that nowadays an apple is not always a piece of fruit, but also can be a cell phone?  
>The thought of that made him smile.<br>Outside his house he heard a big "bang". Immediately he stood up to see what it was. Was it… could it be… A shinigami? No, of course not… But still he hoped, to meet a shinigami, someday, and talk to him. Without even looking out of the window he went to bed. It had been a long day at school, so he was very tired. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

In the middle of the night he woke up. He looked into his room. It was all dark. He could see the silhouette of the chair near his desk. As he kept looking at it, it seemed to move… His eyes tried to see through the darkness. The chair, or what looked like a chair at first, moved towards him. It grew taller and it's shape changed. He couldn't believe his eyes…

"Today we're going to start with something new." Began his math teacher. This was the only thing he could hear. He was totally distracted by something, by last night… It took hours for the teacher had finished his story.  
>Finally math class was over. Time to go home.<br>While he sat behind his desk, he finished reading Death Note for the third time in a row. Tomorrow he'd start reading it a fourth time.  
>As he lay in his bed, he was thinking about this wonderful world. Birds could sing, the sun could shine, people could be happy…<br>As he lay in his bed, he was thinking about this rotten world. Birds died of the oil people threw in the oceans, storms could tear houses to pieces and people were capable of murdering each other.  
>A new and better world… How to create one? Murder all criminals and in the end yourself, because you became a criminal yourself? Or do nothing, hoping that the world would change itself? Could it? Probably not. But, who says the world is bad the way it is right now? Maybe it is not perfect, but neither are people. Why should we expect something (or someone) to be perfect, while we can't even be perfect ourselves? He thought it was impossible for a human to be perfect. But, humans didn't had to be. That's just the problem: people want to be able to choose, but find it hard to make decisions. They want to be free, but don't always know how to handle freedom. They want to be perfect, but they can never be so.<br>People want to live, but are afraid to die. Rather not live at all, in order to never die? People could die… He could die! What if he died? He couldn't just die right now… He had to make something of his life. Maybe he had plenty of time to make something of his life, but, what if this was his last chance? Once you get a chance, you can either grab it or let it go. This chance had to be grabbed, no matter what!  
>At school he was always very shy, didn't spoke a word, nobody knew him. This had to change, as soon as possible. He didn't want to die… He didn't want to stay unknown, at school, or, just everywhere… He didn't want to continue his life the way it was going right now. He was sure of it.<p>

Weeks passed, and he didn't feel happy. He was scared. Scared to waste his life, scared to die, to get a heart attack… Of course he knew this way he wouldn't change anything. He really wanted to change, but…  
>Another month had to pass before he saw it couldn't go on like this. But, what to do? He was already shy, and even more now he was scared all the time, or at least very cautious. What to do, what to do…? He thought of that night two months ago. Then he walked through his room, got something from under his bed. Gently he held it in his hands, as if it was very special, vulnerable maybe. Without a sound he opened it.<p>

Next day he woke up too late, and hurried to school. It was full of people, everyone walked in every direction. They were walking to their classes, this meant he was just in time. He didn't like big crowds that much, but there was something strange. As he knew still most of the people didn't knew his name, he was still kind of nobody at school, he disappeared between the people, became part of the crowd. And for the first time in months, he smiled again.


	2. Chapter 2

As he lay in his bed, he couldn't sleep. He got out of his bed and looked under it. A sigh of relief: it was still there. He took it and held it closely. For a single moment he looked at it suspiciously, it could've been replaced by a fake one… But, no. As far as he could see this was a real one. He only didn't knew for sure whether this was his one, when he looked inside of it.  
>He heard a strange noise, as if someone came from behind and was going to sit next to him. Filled with both fear and hope, he turned around. His friend as well as his enemy had returned, and sat down next to him.<p>

Next day at school he was still happy. Things were going just the way he wanted. Until now, it was all exactly as planned. "For next week…" the teacher said, "…you all have to finish this assignment. If you haven't finished it, you don't even have to bother coming to class, because I'll dismiss you straight away." "Why, is it really that important…?" a lazy student questioned. The teacher seemed annoyed by this question, he hadn't expected it because he thought he had already made clear how important this was. "Yes, it is really that important…!" the teacher replied with slight anger in his voice. The bell rang. "You can go now. And don't forget to read the next chapter for tomorrow!" he said while everybody was walking out of the classroom.

When he walked home from school, he looked at the infinite sky. It was great, it was enormous, it was stunning. Humans, what were they? In this world they were temporary. Small, and insignificant compared to the sky. He was also a human, of course. He was also temporary. He was also small. He was also insignificant. He stood there, under the sky. Just looking, just thinking, just wondering. Just being amazed.

"You know what I did today?" he spoke to the one who was sitting next to him. It was two o'clock at night. An hour ago he woke up and couldn't sleep anymore. Now he was talking.  
>"Tell me." The other replied.<br>He answered: "Today, I was looking at the sky. And as I stood there, I realized how small, how temporary humans are. We are born, live for a while, and then we die. You may seem not as great and infinite as the sky, but… You're not as temporary as I am, at least, I think so. Before my birth and after my dead, you'll still be there. Time is such a strange thing… I don't know if you are more important than I am, if you have more impact on things than I have… But time, as we sit here together, seems to be the same to us. At least, it seems to affect us the same way. We seem to experience it the same way. We seem to sit together here."  
>For a moment they were both silent. Then he continued. "To me, it looks like we're sitting here together. But sometimes, I just can't believe this is all real. It's more like a dream, mostly. Sometimes, as if I not experience it fully."<br>For the first time now, he turned his head towards the other, curiously and cautiously. "Wh… What should I do? What can I do? What to do with my life, and, with this?"  
>He held something before them and pointed at it. A sinister smile appeared on the face of the other.<br>The other replied: "Well, what can I say? What should I say? It's yours. You can waste it, throw it away. You can use it in a way you think is right. Or wrong, perhaps. I won't help you, you know that. I am just here, and that's all. But just think of this: do you know for sure that I am really here? Here, at this moment? Here, with you? And, how can you be so sure _you_ are here?"  
>He gazed at the other, his mouth slightly opened, ready to ask one certain question, one, but a dangerous one. He felt the urge to say it out loud so badly, but something told him to do not so. Slowly he closed his mouth again. The other stood up and disappeared out of the window, took his sudden peculiar laugh and the night with him.<br>He opened his eyes as he slowly woke up. Still very tired, he turned around to continue sleeping. He had a huge headache.

This might be a short chapter compared to the previous one, but either way I hope you liked it. I'll try to have the next chapter finished by the end of the week. Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

School… Was it really that important? He smiled as he thought of the infinite sky: compared to the sky, school was unimportant, just, nothing. Worthless. But he shouldn't compare anything to it. If he would skip school because it was nothing compared to the sky, he could also easily skip life for the same reason. But that wouldn't be right. Because if everyone would end their lives because their lives would just be nothing compared to the sky, then… Then eventually there would be nobody left to watch the sky anymore. To watch it, look at it, gaze at it, into infinity. That would probably be the point where the sky became unimportant: if there was no one left to see it, to know of its existence.

Just like Death Note: Light couldn't see Ryuk before he touched the death note. The whole human world couldn't see Ryuk before the death note was dropped on the ground of the human world. So, before that incident Ryuk could not be seen, and therefor 'didn't exist'.

He got out of his bed. It was Sunday morning. Yesterday he didn't do anything: he just laid in bed all day long, because of his headache. Fortunately, it was almost over now.  
>He still was a bit afraid. He was known in class, at school, everywhere… At least, everyone could see him. But if they also knew his name… Luckily the chance of some other person having a death note, was very small. There could be not more than six at a time in the human world, the one of the shinigami not concluded.<br>There were two possibilities.  
>One. The chance of one death note in the human world is already very small. So, the chance of a death note being possessed by someone he knew, or just near him, was even smaller.<br>Two. On the other hand, maybe this place was just very likely for a death note to be dropped…

He got out of his bed and sat down behind his desk. He opened his drawer and took a medium sized box out of it. He lifted the lit and took 23 sugar cubes out of it. Carefully he placed the cubes next to and on top of each other. It seemed he had lost himself in it. Almost obsessed he glanced at the sugar cubes, like they had something to tell him.  
>When all the 23 cubes had formed a tower together, he looked at it suspiciously. Suddenly he took a deep breath, and blew the tower down. Just like nothing happened, he started building something again. Now the sugar cubes formed some sort of building. On his face was a smile, a little one, but it faded away fast. The expression on his face became some sort of venomous, but if you looked closely you could see that is was made of by fear. He was totally stiffened.<br>"What if... What if..." the words slipped through his lips softly, almost secretly, as if he was afraid to say them out loud. Impulsively he grabbed his head with his hands, as if it was too heavy, if the weight of all the thoughts inside his heads literally became unbearable.  
>"No... No... No... No!" he said. He pushed his chair backwards and walked slowly, cautiously towards his bed, afraid to fall down. He sat down on his knees and got something from under it. Then he stood up, grabbed a pen on his way to the door and left his room. He ran downstairs, nearly forgot his keys, and slammed the front door behind him.<p>

When he became tired, he stopped running and continued his trip walking. "Why... why can things be so hard? Why is this so hard?" he spoke to himself. All of a sudden he stopped walking and got his pen and the thing from under his bed. He opened it and wrote something inside of it. He wrote with his pen, though this was not required. Very rapid and without thinking properly he kept writing. Writing sentences, writing words, writing names... At the end, he had filled three pages. Then he walked home, totally beaten, down, tired.

At home he couldn't watch the news anymore without going crazy and at school people around him kept disappearing. He was on his guard all the time. But then the biggest shock came. He was at school, it was recess. Students were chatting with each other busily, as usual, but this time there was a particular mood in the building. Shreds of conversations made clear there was something serious going on. Was the building on fire? No, of course not, then everybody would've been outside, or running around or something... Then what was it? Had there been a fight in the hall by which an involved student had been killed? Then he heard someone saying:"Yes, Jasmine just told me. Mrs Lynn has died." Mrs Lynn... His English teacher! Why she? Was it a car accident? Was she ill?  
>When he heard it had something to do with her heart, he was totally overwhelmed. How could this have had happened? How? How? He thought of the possibilities... He closed his eyes, try to sit still and be easy. But it was no use. A pellucid liquid, all over his face. Gasping. Trembling a bit.<p>

When he lay in his bed, he couldn't stop thinking about it. His bond with Mrs Lynn wasn't that strong... Of course he felt sad about her, about what had happened. But this also made him realise how easily things can be destroyed. How all of a sudden things, persons, you took for granted, evaporate.  
>She was gone, but the memory of her was still there. How strange, that things which could not be seen with the eye, could be that important. Not that his life was ruined now she had died, but… But still… This was also with other things. You can take love, for example. Sometimes you can see a person is in love, by the way they behave. But you can't see "love" itself. Thoughts, running through your head, maybe you can "see" them, but not with your eyes. And you cannot make it visible to another person directly. Therefore you should tell them about it, draw it, or just show them "something" to make it clear.<br>Thoughts… They exist, though they are not visible.

And shinigami? Mostly they can't be seen, by humans, but they are there. And when you touch a death note, you can see them.

Some happiness was flowing through him. The sky… The sky! Just as memories! Even if all people, and all other life on earth, would be gone, the sky would still be there… The sky would last forever…  
>But, memories are inside one's head, as soon as that one dies, the memory dies with him. Then, would the sky last forever? Is the sky free, just only with itself? Or, is it in someone's mind? Then, in who's mind?<p>

This was the 3th chapter, I hope you liked it! : ) It could take a bit longer until chapter 4 will be put online. Please let me know what you think of it and review! : )


	4. Chapter 4

He lay on the ground, on a field of grass. His hands behind his head, he watched the clouds floating, soaring through sky. So many people… So many names… So many pages… Would the sky know about right and wrong, about justice? Would the sky even care about it? Probably not. Would the sky care about anything at all? He doubted it. The sky just is the sky. If people die, if people survive, if there's war, if there's peace… Just whatever happens, the sky will always stay itself, the sky will always be the sky. Nothing will be able to change that.  
>He wished he could be just like the sky: nothing to worry about, or even care about, just be. Not angry, not happy, not sad, not frightened, not curious, just simply be. Not being happy would seem a disadvantage, but compared to the rest, it would be a blessing.<br>From now on, he'd try just to live like the sky.

This was his goal.  
>He'd die for it: literally.<p>

Back at school, he sighed. He thought of Mrs Lynn. The sky wouldn't care about it, but rather in a good in way. Sora. The Japanese word for sky was sora. He thought it sounded very beautiful. Sora… As he repeated the word several times in his head, slowly, securely, he got something out of his bag. Then he wrote something, without really thinking about it, and he kept writing. During class, during recess, he just wrote. When he got home, he also wrote. He didn't stop until it was 11 o'clock. Thirty pages. He fell asleep.  
>He dreamt of people, hundreds of people, thousands of people, all walking around him. Some glared at his face, others didn't seem to pay attention while there were also a few who looked straight into his eyes. Slowly the people faded away. The sky became dark, and soon it was pitch black all around him. As he stood there, it was all silent. Not peaceful, not frightening. But there was something strange: he only didn't knew if this was a good or a bad thing.<br>Suddenly he saw a white flash, it was like lightning. The brightness was huge, but the line was rather small. It was like someone outside the black wrote something, he only couldn't discover, decipher what. Not yet. More and more letters were written, more and more words were formed. The lines made letters, which formed words, which turned out to be… names… Hundreds, thousands of names were written down. When he looked closely, he saw it was the same name, written in different handwritings. It was not until there were so many names, the sky became so bright that he was totally blinded by it, when he realized which name was written there. He knew that name very well. It was his own name.

He opened his eyes, looked around him, and saw he was not alone.  
>"How are you? Had a bad dream, I guess?" the other said, with a big grin on his face.<br>He was scared, still didn't feel comfortable, and looked at the other with wide open, bloodshed eyes.  
>"Hahaha… Well, well… Guess you had <em>that <em>dream again, didn't you?" the other seemed to find this all quite amusing.  
>He still didn't say anything. His mouth was slightly opened, but he seemed a bit confused.<br>"Don't you think it's time for it? You really should do something about this, you know?" the other walked around in his room, as he said this. Then the other turned his head, and continued: "If you don't do something about this quick, you're finished." A smile appeared on the other's face as the other spoke these words. "And you know this all even better than I do. Only, you don't want to admit it, you know it's true, but still you hope you can make it untrue by denying it. How pathetic. You of all people… Of all people, you should know it. Ahaha…" the other's laugh was not loud, rather silent, but it sent shivers down his spine. "Just quit the nonsense, quit this show. You know what's right. Right?" a teasing smile it was, this time. "I know you'll do it, eventually. Both you and I know it will be the best thing to do. First it was you convincing me of this whole idea, don't let it become the other way around. Just do it, I know you can." He couldn't make clear what the expression on the face of the other meant this time. It was as if the other was pushing the limits, to see how far he could go. As if the other did something terribly wrong, but liked it, very much.

"I won't. I won't do it. At first, it might have seemed the right decision, but now I know it's nonsense. I am safe. Nobody knows my name, at least, very few people. And also nobody has seen my face. At school they just look right through me… It makes me sad, though. I'd like it to have friends, or something… But now I'm also relieved. I know I'm safe." He said, with a fragile smile on his face, filled with hope, as if this was the beginning of a new life.  
>The other nodded, and looked, his eyes filled with disapproval. "I can look right through you. You think things will get better soon. But your hope is all in vain."<br>He looked at the other as if he didn't understand, and his smile faded away.  
>"Don't you understand? Do you still not understand it? What a shame… I would have expect more from you." For a moment the other was silent. Then he continued. "Sooner or later you'll see I was right. Well, I guess I won't see you anymore. Hehe…"the other laughed acidly. The other's laughing appeared mean, but also seemed to have a trace of kindness in it. "Well, I guess I should leave you alone now. I probably won't see you again. Ahaha… haha…"with a final laugh, the other disappeared out of the window, while he answered: "Well, sometimes goodbye is a second chance. ..."<br>"Here is my chance, this is my chance." he thought, and he seemed very determined.

He lay awake in his bed, thinking, for a while. Then all of sudden he woke up, the morning had come.

It took some time for this chapter to be finished, but I hope you liked it. Please review, and I´ll update as soon as possible! : )


	5. Chapter 5

Happy, but with a unsure feeling inside of him, he walked to school. Still nobody knew his name, and almost nobody saw him. Suddenly a flash went through him. It was Jasmine… Alone, without her friends, she walked towards her locker. He looked at her, but she didn't look back. She was the only person he would entrust his name to. Even more, he _wanted_ her to know his name, to know of his existence…

To the outside world he didn't seem different. But to himself, he did.  
>At first, he became afraid of being killed and he wanted to change his life. But now he wasn't afraid anymore. And he also didn't want to change his life. Almost nobody knew his name. Therefore, almost nobody would be able to kill him. This thought comforted him.<br>Also, after school he was mostly at home, where only his family could see his face. As long as things stayed just like this, it would be fine. But something went terribly wrong…

As he walked home from school he was still happy, cheerful. He was smiling because he didn't had to be afraid. He didn't had any friends, hardly new anybody… First he wanted to change this, but that would've been stupid. In this moment of quiet happiness he crossed the road. Because he was so confident nothing could go wrong, he didn't look out at all. Besides, he would hear it if there would be car. At least, he thought so…

A few minutes before he was crossing the road, a taxi driver was arguing with a passenger who refused to pay him because it took too long and he had missed his appointment, which was according to him an opportunity of a lifetime. The taxi driver said it wasn't his fault, he didn't want to go over the speed limit and if that appointment really was that important, he could at least have told him exactly where to go, because "somewhere in the center of the town, near a house with a red roof" wasn't very accurate. However, the taxi driver had to pick up someone else and couldn't stay there arguing the rest of the day. Still very mad, he drove away, honking a few times to the passenger and yelling all kind of insults while looking back at him, through his side window. Because he didn't pay any attention to the road, he didn't notice someone was trying to cross the road until the very last moment. He turned his head, saw what was happening and immediately hit the brakes.

Eight days later, he was back home again. It had been a terrible car accident. He was hit by the car, but his injuries weren't very serious. Some scratches and bruises and a minor concussion. Later on, he heard someone else was involved too. A girl who was riding on her bike was also hit by the car. The taxi driver wanted to dodge the boy he saw in front of his car, but he didn't notice the girl who was riding beside him.  
>It must have been someone from his school. He didn't knew if she even survived… But, he didn't want to know if it was Jasmine. If it was her, he would never forgive himself. He should have been hit fully by the car, not she… He already had a miserable life, at least, a life without friends. But Jasmine… He hoped it was just another girl, someone he didn't knew…<br>Unfortunately, this was not the only bad thing about the car accident. What was even worse, was the fact that due to the accident the taxi driver was very late. And the person he had to pick up became very impatient. That person didn't want to wait any longer after 50 minutes had passed, so he decided to go by himself and drove like 278 km/h which is something like 173 m/h (and yes, he had a fancy car, a Mercedes CKL Black Series if you want to know). Of course that didn't end up very well. This person, a close family member from the royals, got caught in a fatal car accident. It was all over the news. It was said to be the taxi driver's fault. And if that wasn't enough, everything which had to do anything with the dead of the family member of the royals, was also on the news. So, also he and the girl with the bike. On the TV his face was shown, together with his name…

He lay in bed, crying. Now, it was all over… He couldn't do it anymore, he just couldn't take it any longer! He wasn't safe, he had no friends, and the only one who really meant something to him, was probably dead, or had at least some major injuries… What was the point of living a life in fear, without friends, without love?  
>Besides, who would care about <em>him<em>?

He didn't know.

Living in a world of fear. Could he do it? Could he live like the sky? Just carefree, and, not worrying all the time? Maybe it wouldn't be that hard… He would make his life even better! He would change it. He should see the car accident as a chance. And not just a chance. A chance he would take.


	6. Chapter 6

A chance is hard to grab. A chance is hard to let go. Chances are just hard… A chance means a change. If you grab it, things will change. Even if you let it go things can change… Change is hard. It is easy as long as things stay just the way they are. The way you are used to.  
>Changes can destroy your life. Or someone other's. Changes can save your life. Or someone other's. Sometimes you can choose, like when it's a decision. But sometimes it just comes, like the weather.<p>

Again the sky. The sky had to do with these changes all the time. Sunshine, rain, clouds, and just everything in between. But it could also be, that this constant change of weather was just normal, and therefore not a change at all. Then could it also be that changes in common were not changes at all, but just, normal?  
>Then what's the difference between a change and a chance? Does a change just happen, is it out of your control, and can you choose for a chance? In either case you can choose to grab a chance or to let it go. And by taking a chance, something can change.<p>

He wanted a change in his life. So he should take a chance. He would live like the sky. Everything would be fine again.  
>Yeah right. He did want to grab this chance and change his life, but… But… Well, he simply couldn't. He was too shy, too much filled with fear, just too much of everything…<br>Because he decided not to take the chance, he should live his life just like before.

At school he was afraid all the time. He wanted to live like the sky, but, he was only a simple human… When he walked through the hall, he was cautious, saw bad things happening everywhere, he saw people writing everywhere. And he couldn't read what they were writing. At first, he could keep it quite under control. He had still some common sense, and knew it was nonsense that his name would be written down. Though, he couldn't convince himself anymore as he could before. The arguments strength faded away, and before he knew it, he changed into a total different person. If he would've seen himself, he would say he was a schizophrenic psycho, just totally paranoia. Just like that song: "Maybe I'm the one, maybe I'm the one, who is the schizophrenic psycho." A song from Puddle Of Mudd. Well, that was exactly what his life was right now: one big puddle of mud. Dark, a bit sticky, and he kept sinking in it deeper every day.  
>But he did realize his situation was hopeless. Everywhere he saw students, teachers, writing down words, names, sometimes even his name! If that happened, it scared him to death. It made him even more silent then he already was, he started shaking, looking pale, and he couldn't think about anything but that.<br>It gave him sleepless nights, restless days, it just totally wore him out. And it was not after 23 days, that he knew his name wasn't written down on a piece of paper of the death note.  
>He read the manga more and more, to find ways to escape from being killed by a death note. If his name was misspelled five times, if his name was written down by two persons at the same time… But, he couldn't do it himself. And asking someone was totally out of the question. Besides, misspelling someone's name five time on purpose, would kill the person misspelling the name…<br>All these rules were also very complicated, just like changes and chances. But, this were at least rules. Just like math. It could drive you crazy, but numbers don't lie.  
>1 + 1 = 2<br>If that wouldn't be true in some situation, there would be something terribly different. Different, in either case, not necessarily wrong. Or right.

These rules were like math. They were like a language on its own. Light could speak it very well. And he knew for sure that L also would be able to speak it without much difficulties. And the sky? The sky wouldn't care. He wanted to be like the sky. So, he shouldn't care.  
>But he couldn't! He had to care! He wanted to be like Light, like L, he wanted to speak that strange, evil, though beautiful language. He wanted to speak it fluently, to be able to make plays of words. He wanted to live it. To feel it. To be it.<p>

He could keep himself under control now. At least, he had the feeling he could. He still saw evil everywhere, had the craziest suspicions, and he held his fear under control by choosing a fake name, hiding his face as much as possible and doing crazy things like wanting to fill 15 pages every day with writing names. He wrote more and more every week, and soon he suffered enormously under this pressure and fear. He dreamt much, nightmares he had, if he could sleep at all. It seemed to him soon there was no difference anymore between anything. Between school and home, between the people he knew, he even couldn't tell the difference from the real world and his dreams in the end.  
>But, he didn't saw the difference, so he didn't notice. <p>

In the end, he stayed home from school. He literally became ill of all this and he lay in bed all day long. To the world it seemed he couldn't take it any longer, though he thought he had everything under control.

The chapter after this one, will be the last of this story. I'll try my best to get it finished before next year! : )


	7. Chapter 7

It was Friday morning. When he woke up, he got out of his bed and made himself ready for school. He felt better than before. Still not great, but, good enough to go to school.  
>His body might have been at school, sitting in class, but his mind wasn't. Constantly he got distracted by all kind of things. Mrs Lynn, Jasmine, the conversations he had had at night, with the other…<br>"Don't you think it's time for it? You really should do something about this, you know?"  
>"If you don't do something about this quick, you're finished."<br>"I know you'll do it, eventually. Both you and I know it will be the best thing to do."  
>"Just do it, I know you can."<br>"I can look right through you. You think things will get better soon. But your hope is all in vain."  
>"I probably won't see you again."<p>

Maybe… Maybe the other was right… Maybe it was time for it, the best thing to do. Maybe he could do it. Maybe… Now?  
>Still there was this little voice inside his head. It was like an almost burned out candle, standing in the rain. If the rain wouldn't kill the fire, it would run out of fuel fast. This voice screamed with all his might, he resisted to the thought with all he could. Also, he had the feeling this voice might know what would be the best thing to do for him. But the darkness, the raindrops, made this voice fade away. And soon he was convinced. He knew what he had to do. It couldn't wait any longer, but he was still in time. Strangely, he was even a little excited about it. His total body was filled with fear, resistance and cold. Though, he thought it was curiosity, excitement and desire.<br>School was over pretty fast, the time had passed quickly. He walked home, with his hands in his pockets. Before crossing the road, he looked very carefully to the left and to the right. He felt the wind, he smelled the air. He looked around him and saw the big, beautiful trees around him. It was like there was a wall around him: he wasn't touched by anything. With empty eyes he looked up to the sky. His feet kept walking, until he was home.

He sat in his room, a bit exhausted of, of… He had no clue. Probably just everything. He sat on a chair. Looking, but without seeing. Hearing, but without listening. Breathing, but without feeling. It was like there was nothing around him, nothing mattered. The wall around him grew bigger: taller and wider. Nothing could come through it anymore. He was an empty body. Not even a sarcastic smile, because of his self-pity. No trembling, shaking, crying, screaming… No feelings.  
>Something strange happened: the wall seemed to succumb, because of his own weight. First a small crack. It grew bigger bit by bit…<br>Still, he was sitting. He made not a single movement. He just sat. Not knowing what to feel. Maybe, there was just nothing to feel…  
>More cracks appeared.<p>

Eventually, he got something from under his bed. It was the same thing he always got from under his bed. He walked to his desk to take a pencil, the right one, his favorite. He sat down. Before writing, he wanted to know something, but, he was afraid of finding out the truth… Although he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know, he looked at some previous pages, and read the names. One name he read out loud: Sylvia Lynn…  
>The wall around him was full of cracks, some pieces fell off. You could almost hear a rumble, feel the ground shaking, it wouldn't hold it much longer…<p>

He was staring at a blank page. A few seconds he was thinking.  
>The wall around him had collide.<br>He shook his head, tried to hold back the tears that were coming, and wrote down something. First his own name, and behind it the date of the next day and a time: 00.02 AM. Quickly he closed it, threw it under his bed, and put on the music. That way, nobody could hear him crying…

As he lay in bed that night, he thought of his whole life. From his birth till this final evening. He didn't write a goodbye letter, neither spoke some last words. He only thought of Jasmine, and prayed for her. He didn't care what would happen to him, he didn't care at all. If only she would be ok, if only she would be fine… Then he would be happy.  
>He closed his eyes and fell asleep.<p>

It was all dark around him. He woke up, but it was still night. He looked at his watch which lay always beside his pillow. He saw the time changing. Now it was 00.03 AM.

This is the end of this story. I hope you liked it : )  
>I wish you all a Happy New Year! :D<p> 


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